Film buffs amongst you might recognise the above quote which came from the 1986 film “Clockwise”. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it is about Brian Stimson, a headmaster who is a stickler for punctuality, and his misadventures in getting to an important meeting. Mr Stimson was played by a certain John Cleese, who is well known for his work in Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and A Fish called Wanda.
Less well known is the fact that he an ardent West Ham United fan, which might explain his forte for manic expression, bouts of depression and occasional moments where his pent up frustrations boil over into aggression. His years in therapy are well documented, although nowhere I have seen has identified whether his attendance was due to professional pressures, personal problems or simply that we had dropped another three points due to our inability to defend properly.
The titular quotation aptly sums up my feelings about supporting the Irons. Perennial underachievers with any sporadic moment of success matched soon after by a dismal failure of some sort or another. My expectations for this season were low and, three games in, I have seen nothing to change my mind, despite us being in the Top 3 for a brief while on Saturday. From the matches/ highlights that I have watched we were lucky to get a victory against Wigan on the opening day, we were totally outplayed by Manchester City even prior to Mark Noble being sent off and in serious danger of being embarrassed by a Macclesfield side that managed to lose 6-0 at the weekend.
From Alan Curbishley’s point of view a visit to Upton Park by Blackburn Rovers was just what the doctor ordered, with the crowd having a manger to dislike more than their own man for once! It was 19 years ago that Paul Ince made that serious misjudgement in getting photographed in a Manchester United kit before the deal was done and dusted for him to move to Old Trafford. Hammers fans do appear to have long memories and, although the abuse was not as bad as most feared, the Guv’nor was asked most vociferously if he knew the score at the end of the match, which saw us claim another flattering victory.
I am worried however. The Credit Crunch was always going to be an issue for us, given that Bjorgulfer Gudmundsson our Icelandic owner earns his crust in the banking sector back home. It also became clear that as popular a figure as the Eggman was, his largesse in terms of players’ contracts had put unnecessary strain on the club’s finances. Finally there is Mr C’s penchant for buying players who spend more time on the treatment table than the training pitch. The combination of these three factors has seen Freddie Ljungberg walk away with bulging pockets, Anton Ferdinand decide that the North-East looked a better bet than the club he had been with since school, decent squad players sold without replacement and various rumours of key men being lined up as the next to be off.
Still things could be worse I suppose, we could have spent £5m on Dos Santos only to find out he is too lightweight for the hurly burly of the Premier League. As my friend Mr Cleese might have said in one of his many guises, “It’s alright – he came from Barcelona!”
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